Failing is painful

In a previous life, I was learning chess a lot. At the peak of my “chess career”, I had a great mentor who advised me to analyze every game I played. Why did you play what you played? What were the alternatives? What was your plan? What were the lessons learned?

The most valuable games weren’t the victories but the painful defeats. They were the ones that showed me where I could grow. This simple habit of reflection taught me to see failure not as an ending, but as an investment in the future - a way to make sure I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake twice.

However, knowing all of that doesn’t protect me from the pain that comes with failure. Even if I understand that it’s only temporary and soon I won’t feel it - the pain is real.

You can fail not only in chess, of course. You can work on a project for a long time, pour into it your time, energy, enthusiasm, and resources. You can pour in your thoughts and heart, only to fail miserably anyway.

Back then, I learned this lesson on the chessboard. Today, I was reminded of it again in real life, and I had to find some way to let this pain go - that’s why I’m sketching these words. Once I analyzed how easily today’s failure could have been avoided - I cringed.

Very often, I think that many people (myself included) waste their potential because of the fear of this pain. How many useful businesses, beautiful works of art, or great social movements would exist if not for the fear of this awful pain? It’s always easier to fall back on safer life alternatives - like spending evenings binging another Netflix series. But that comfort comes at the cost of growth.

It would be easier, but only in the short term. I think the worst thing one can do is give up and say to oneself, 30 years later, “it could have been…” So yes, failure hurts. But I’d rather carry a few scars than live with the weight of never trying.

You’re going to get things wrong. You just don’t want to get the same things wrong twice.

~ Marc Randolph (Netflix’s first CEO)